Holy Smokes- a jab or 5!

Holy smokes! 

It had been over a month since I last wrote a blog! January and February so far have been keeping me busy!

I will pick up from where I left off which was my visit to Bristol which I enjoyed and loved looking around vintage shops :D  more roses the better!  I struggled as I was often so tired- this leads me to explaining why I have been ill for a wee bit.

Before Christmas I visited my GP, using a BSL interpreter I explained my frustrations of not being able to sleep, feeling very anti-social, having pins and needles in my hands & feet, extremely BAD tinnitus, restless legs and being really forgetful.  The GP wanted to test my blood to see if there was something wrong.

So I went for a blood test, explaining how I needed a child sized needle (a butterfly) as I pretty much don’t have any veins left from the countless of blood tests I have had!  I got a letter from the GP quite quickly asking me to come in. so I trotted off again to the GP and I was told I would need to have a blood test again due to an alarming low level of B12 and that it could be a typo but the GP wanted to double check, so more blood given yet again and was given a list of B12 rich food to eat so I went to see my parents for Christmas which was lovely.

On my return I had a letter from the GP asking me to make an appointment YET again! So called via typetalk and was given one on the spot for a few hours’ time. So off I went. The results were that I did indeed have a very low level of B12 and folic acid.  The treatment?  FIVE injections of B12 in 2 weeks! Luckily I don’t mind needles and was okay with having them. So I made 5 appointments with the nurse.  I didn’t mind going for the injections but the weather... bloody snow made it difficult for me to get to the surgery and it was really tiring for me to trek there and back!

I managed to complete the course of injections and am happy to say I feel so much better and far more alive these days!  (Sorry to my twitter followers for moaning about the injections and the weather!)

I did some research on B12 and what it is. It is a vitamin that help the blood cells to move around the body as well produce new blood cells  so I was tired and my anti-depressants wasn’t working as the blood cells wasn’t moving around properly and wasn’t absorbing the tablets. It seems having IBS was a major factor in the ability of absorbing B12.

Here is a brief summary of B12 deficiency

You need vitamin B12 for many important processes inside your body, particularly for making red blood cells and keeping your nerves healthy. If you don’t have enough vitamin B12, your body won't be able to make as many red blood cells as normal. They will also be abnormally large and won't last as long as they should.

If you don't have enough red blood cells, your tissues and organs may not get enough oxygen. This leads to the symptoms of anaemia.

Symptoms of vitamin B12 deficiency anaemia

Common symptoms of all types of anaemia include:

• feeling tired
• looking pale
• increased breathlessness
• feeling your heart racing or thumping (called palpitations)

If you have vitamin B12 deficiency anaemia, you may also develop problems such as:

• yellowing of your skin and the whites of your eyes (known as jaundice)
• headaches
• poor appetite
• a sore mouth and tongue
• poor concentration and forgetfulness
• depression
• tingling, numbness and burning in your feet, hands, arms and legs

These symptoms may be caused by problems other than vitamin B12 deficiency anaemia. If you have any of these symptoms, see your GP for advice.

Causes of vitamin B12 deficiency anaemia

• Diet. - Vitamin B12 is only found in meat and animal products, so if you follow a strict vegan diet, you may not get a sufficient amount for your needs.
• Surgery. - You can become deficient in vitamin B12 if you’ve had surgery to remove part of your stomach.
• Bowel disease. - If you have coeliac disease, for example, it can interfere with vitamin B12 absorption.
• Medicines. - Certain medicines, such as neomycin, metformin and anticonvulsants, can interfere with vitamin B12 absorption.

DO see your doctor and check if they are able to provide interpreters (They SHOULD). I have noticed that my health is much better due to having a BSL interpreter at my appointments which mean the GP can ask me questions and I can answer them clearly as well clarify things I find hard to understand.

This greatly affected how I coped with depression as it mean I was so tired and I couldn’t do the things I needed to do which in turn made me feel useless and hopeless. What a vicious circle. My anti-depressants dosage has been upped and I’m dealing with the change by seeing my counsellor as it help to talk things through with a neutral listening ear.

Has anyone seen SEE HEAR lately, they have been doing a good job of opening up the world of mental illnesses to the general public.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b01qslww/See_Hear_Series_32_Episode_32/

See Hear invites comedy Facebook phenomenon the BBDeaf News to its offices. Internet stars Tammy and Micole give their Valentine's Day guide to deaf dating. Plus a catch-up with sign song artist Jayne Fletcher who has recently won a Prince's Trust young achiever's award for struggling to overcome difficult times to set up her own business.

Jayne herself has depression and describes what it is like to have a mental illness and to be able to overcome it. We need more people like her to speak out about having a mental illness- it is hard and a brave thing to do.

If this subject isn’t for you there is some light hearted comedy as well.

See Hear also did a tribute to a talented Deaf Poet who took her own life 20 years ago. This programme was very moving and made me cry. Who know if she was still alive maybe she would have felt strong enough to talk about how she was feeling and felt she could seek for help.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b01qxz14/See_Hear_Series_32_Episode_33/

See Hear pays tribute to iconic sign poet Dot Miles who died just over 20 years ago by taking her own life. She was the inventor of beautiful sign poetry and had an enormous influence on deaf culture. This looks at the unique quality of her work and her important legacy.

See Hear also visits jewellery artist Rosie White who takes her inspiration from nature and whose business is going from strength to strength.

If you find this subject of depression, mental illnesses and suicide difficult, read my previous blogs where there are links to people who can help you.

If you find this subject difficult TO understand- check out this link

http://www.depressionquest.com/

A brief summary of the game (taken from the webpage)

Depression Quest is an interactive fiction game where you play as someone living with depression. You are given a series of everyday life events and have to attempt to manage your illness, relationships, job, and possible treatment. This game aims to show other sufferers of depression that they are not alone in their feelings, and to illustrate to people who may not understand the illness the depths of what it can do to people.

Hopefully this can give people an idea of what it is like to live with depression. It is not easy and harder to be told to cheer up when things are bleak.

Please donate to them if you can.

I would love some feedback on what you think of the game.

As always you can reach me at bookygeeky@gmail.com, the comments section or twitter @BookyGeeky

Fact: I like Apple products and I’m never without my Ipad or my Iphone but please don’t mug me if you see me!

When you assume, you make an ass out of u and me

It is now a week into 2013, time have indeed gone fast since that wee cheeky drink at NYE has it?

I headed to a friend's flat where we played games, I have to admit that to qualm my social anxiety I drank far too much. Which meant in turn I disgraced myself :( Prozac and large amounts of wine & rum does NOT mix and I won't be doing this again as I recall nothing at all!
It is a powerful mixture. I'm not doing that 'I will never drink again' as I do enjoy a drink and am partial to a hot toddy. Instead I will just drink in moderation and stop at my limit.
I have been putting positive notes in a jar and so far there is two! Before 2014 I will be opening them all and listing them on this blog if I am still doing this and hopefully I will be!
Recently I visited a friend's place and I really liked the feel of purity, certain things are banned from the place which add on to the ideal of a very relaxing feel of the living space. It is an idea I will be using for my own place, first a MASSIVE clear out! A form of spring cleaning that I hope will be quite cathartic.
It has been a challenge for me to stay at my parents' house and I have worked out that 2 weeks is indeed too long as I tend to lose my temper and get frustrated easily as I am often expected to solve everything which out extra stress on me which I do not need. Often I look forward to seeing my hearing brother as he at times is quite sane! I do not know why but my family tend to make me lose my temper quite easily as I do not really lose it much! I tend to stay calm and cool as I see no point in flapping about and being hysterical as it does no one any good.

I am not sure how to explore this topic so I will be travelling back to my teenager years, I was never partially keen on affection and at times meeting new people and being required to hug them as a greeting tended to leave me cold and still do to this day as I just don't get why I am supposed to hug people I only have just met! Would a handshake not do them? This is looked on as a bit of a joke among people I know, which I find irritating as everyone is different and at times I wish people would acknowledge this and not make a big deal out of it, it is insulting when I see people and they go 'oh you don't like hugs'. I didn't know it was a crime to let myself warm up to people first?!
When people say this to me, unknowably they are making me feel like I am a cold fish and that there is something wrong with me. I do hug people, well those who doesn't abuse this privilege by trying to kill me I also do have sex (shocking I know) this does require a lot of touching! I just am not keen on the Deaf way of getting attention as they can be quite rough, and one person I know tend to give me bruises with her method if getting my attention which mean I stay far away from her as possible.
I was quite isolated as a teenager, why? I to this day is still not quite sure, I think I was too different, too weird, too geeky, too unpopular, too difficult and many more.
This have carried onto my adult years and I find when I see people who knew me as a teenager that they tend to treat me the same I have had a lot of stupid comments re my interest in things such as liking music, going to Glastonbury, or my love for food & being a good cook, that I like writing. Most of these stupid comments are assumptions of who I am and I think it is safe to say now that I am in my late 20s that my tastes and hobbies are varied.
I may not like doing sports but it doesn't mean I am useless, I am surprisely good at ice skating even though my dodgy knee like to let me down often, I love doing Pilates and slowly is liking yoga! I think I have struggled with people's concept of me for a long time, I am expected to meet people's assumptions if me and I gladly disappoint them! I recall telling someone I wanted to be a teacher and I received a patronising smile and a look that said 'okay if you think so!' This person then rudely gave someone else next to me advice on courses to be a teacher ignoring me. I think at that point I thought 'fuck this, fuck what people think'.
I really want to teach adults, as I have skills that have been horned over the years, I tend to be good at explaining to people and helping them with the English language. Ki know I don't fit anyone's image of what a teacher should be which make me far more cooler :) I recall my uncle being a punk and turning up everywhere with long shaggy hair, with an earring riding around on a old motorbike, imagine my shock as a kid upon on learning that he was a primary school teacher and now a super head for the Greenwich and Lewisham area for failing schools, he still wear a earring.
My cousin is now following in his footsteps and as a very cool modern vintage kooky person is now undertaking her PCGE and also is learning Irish on the side. She also have a lovely partner called Emily who I have yet to meet. Maybe at a wedding one day!

I think some people find it hard to let go of their view of someone, I strongly recommend.... Let it go! They might just surprise you! I often let my knowledge of someone I met a long time ago and not seen for a long time and embrace what they have to give. If I didn't, I don't think I would have the friends I have nowadays. At times people abuse this opportunity by clinging on to the past. I am a history student and I often have to look into the past and yet I can leave it behind and try to focus on the present and on tomorrow. People might think ism a wee formless idiot as I try to be nice to everyone I meet old or new, they might think 'I don't like you' 'why the hell are you nice? ' or ' we aren't friends go away '
I might look like a wee naive lass but what I am simply doing is wiping the slate clean and giving you an opportunity to be civil or be a lovely person. I have lost count of how I have been taught to overlook someone's first impression and to warmly embrace who they are. Treat people as you want to be treated, no one like to be patronised or being rude to.
Someone said to me that when being truthful with yourself the good and the bad, people might not like it. I don't care really. I am often curious about what people think of me but I don't give a toss what they think (if that make any sense!)

“When you assume, you make an ass out of u and me.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Assumption


Never judge a book by their cover, but read a chapter to see if you like what you see so far go for it ! (I recall people telling me that Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone was very boring after reading a chapter!)

I will be seeing my lovely ladies this weekend which I am very much looking forward to! I am very excited and can't wait to hear the news of whatever!
Fact: I'm wicked good at rollerblading but am very lazy!