It is now a week into 2013, time have indeed gone fast since that wee cheeky drink at NYE has it?
I headed to a friend's flat where we played games, I have to admit that to qualm my social anxiety I drank far too much. Which meant in turn I disgraced myself :( Prozac and large amounts of wine & rum does NOT mix and I won't be doing this again as I recall nothing at all!
It is a powerful mixture. I'm not doing that 'I will never drink again' as I do enjoy a drink and am partial to a hot toddy. Instead I will just drink in moderation and stop at my limit.
I have been putting positive notes in a jar and so far there is two! Before 2014 I will be opening them all and listing them on this blog if I am still doing this and hopefully I will be!
Recently I visited a friend's place and I really liked the feel of purity, certain things are banned from the place which add on to the ideal of a very relaxing feel of the living space. It is an idea I will be using for my own place, first a MASSIVE clear out! A form of spring cleaning that I hope will be quite cathartic.
It has been a challenge for me to stay at my parents' house and I have worked out that 2 weeks is indeed too long as I tend to lose my temper and get frustrated easily as I am often expected to solve everything which out extra stress on me which I do not need. Often I look forward to seeing my hearing brother as he at times is quite sane! I do not know why but my family tend to make me lose my temper quite easily as I do not really lose it much! I tend to stay calm and cool as I see no point in flapping about and being hysterical as it does no one any good.
I am not sure how to explore this topic so I will be travelling back to my teenager years, I was never partially keen on affection and at times meeting new people and being required to hug them as a greeting tended to leave me cold and still do to this day as I just don't get why I am supposed to hug people I only have just met! Would a handshake not do them? This is looked on as a bit of a joke among people I know, which I find irritating as everyone is different and at times I wish people would acknowledge this and not make a big deal out of it, it is insulting when I see people and they go 'oh you don't like hugs'. I didn't know it was a crime to let myself warm up to people first?!
When people say this to me, unknowably they are making me feel like I am a cold fish and that there is something wrong with me. I do hug people, well those who doesn't abuse this privilege by trying to kill me I also do have sex (shocking I know) this does require a lot of touching! I just am not keen on the Deaf way of getting attention as they can be quite rough, and one person I know tend to give me bruises with her method if getting my attention which mean I stay far away from her as possible.
I was quite isolated as a teenager, why? I to this day is still not quite sure, I think I was too different, too weird, too geeky, too unpopular, too difficult and many more.
This have carried onto my adult years and I find when I see people who knew me as a teenager that they tend to treat me the same I have had a lot of stupid comments re my interest in things such as liking music, going to Glastonbury, or my love for food & being a good cook, that I like writing. Most of these stupid comments are assumptions of who I am and I think it is safe to say now that I am in my late 20s that my tastes and hobbies are varied.
I may not like doing sports but it doesn't mean I am useless, I am surprisely good at ice skating even though my dodgy knee like to let me down often, I love doing Pilates and slowly is liking yoga! I think I have struggled with people's concept of me for a long time, I am expected to meet people's assumptions if me and I gladly disappoint them! I recall telling someone I wanted to be a teacher and I received a patronising smile and a look that said 'okay if you think so!' This person then rudely gave someone else next to me advice on courses to be a teacher ignoring me. I think at that point I thought 'fuck this, fuck what people think'.
I really want to teach adults, as I have skills that have been horned over the years, I tend to be good at explaining to people and helping them with the English language. Ki know I don't fit anyone's image of what a teacher should be which make me far more cooler :) I recall my uncle being a punk and turning up everywhere with long shaggy hair, with an earring riding around on a old motorbike, imagine my shock as a kid upon on learning that he was a primary school teacher and now a super head for the Greenwich and Lewisham area for failing schools, he still wear a earring.
My cousin is now following in his footsteps and as a very cool modern vintage kooky person is now undertaking her PCGE and also is learning Irish on the side. She also have a lovely partner called Emily who I have yet to meet. Maybe at a wedding one day!
I think some people find it hard to let go of their view of someone, I strongly recommend.... Let it go! They might just surprise you! I often let my knowledge of someone I met a long time ago and not seen for a long time and embrace what they have to give. If I didn't, I don't think I would have the friends I have nowadays. At times people abuse this opportunity by clinging on to the past. I am a history student and I often have to look into the past and yet I can leave it behind and try to focus on the present and on tomorrow. People might think ism a wee formless idiot as I try to be nice to everyone I meet old or new, they might think 'I don't like you' 'why the hell are you nice? ' or ' we aren't friends go away '
I might look like a wee naive lass but what I am simply doing is wiping the slate clean and giving you an opportunity to be civil or be a lovely person. I have lost count of how I have been taught to overlook someone's first impression and to warmly embrace who they are. Treat people as you want to be treated, no one like to be patronised or being rude to.
Someone said to me that when being truthful with yourself the good and the bad, people might not like it. I don't care really. I am often curious about what people think of me but I don't give a toss what they think (if that make any sense!)
“When you assume, you make an ass out of u and me.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Assumption
Never judge a book by their cover, but read a chapter to see if you like what you see so far go for it ! (I recall people telling me that Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone was very boring after reading a chapter!)
I will be seeing my lovely ladies this weekend which I am very much looking forward to! I am very excited and can't wait to hear the news of whatever!
Fact: I'm wicked good at rollerblading but am very lazy!
