When you assume, you make an ass out of u and me

It is now a week into 2013, time have indeed gone fast since that wee cheeky drink at NYE has it?

I headed to a friend's flat where we played games, I have to admit that to qualm my social anxiety I drank far too much. Which meant in turn I disgraced myself :( Prozac and large amounts of wine & rum does NOT mix and I won't be doing this again as I recall nothing at all!
It is a powerful mixture. I'm not doing that 'I will never drink again' as I do enjoy a drink and am partial to a hot toddy. Instead I will just drink in moderation and stop at my limit.
I have been putting positive notes in a jar and so far there is two! Before 2014 I will be opening them all and listing them on this blog if I am still doing this and hopefully I will be!
Recently I visited a friend's place and I really liked the feel of purity, certain things are banned from the place which add on to the ideal of a very relaxing feel of the living space. It is an idea I will be using for my own place, first a MASSIVE clear out! A form of spring cleaning that I hope will be quite cathartic.
It has been a challenge for me to stay at my parents' house and I have worked out that 2 weeks is indeed too long as I tend to lose my temper and get frustrated easily as I am often expected to solve everything which out extra stress on me which I do not need. Often I look forward to seeing my hearing brother as he at times is quite sane! I do not know why but my family tend to make me lose my temper quite easily as I do not really lose it much! I tend to stay calm and cool as I see no point in flapping about and being hysterical as it does no one any good.

I am not sure how to explore this topic so I will be travelling back to my teenager years, I was never partially keen on affection and at times meeting new people and being required to hug them as a greeting tended to leave me cold and still do to this day as I just don't get why I am supposed to hug people I only have just met! Would a handshake not do them? This is looked on as a bit of a joke among people I know, which I find irritating as everyone is different and at times I wish people would acknowledge this and not make a big deal out of it, it is insulting when I see people and they go 'oh you don't like hugs'. I didn't know it was a crime to let myself warm up to people first?!
When people say this to me, unknowably they are making me feel like I am a cold fish and that there is something wrong with me. I do hug people, well those who doesn't abuse this privilege by trying to kill me I also do have sex (shocking I know) this does require a lot of touching! I just am not keen on the Deaf way of getting attention as they can be quite rough, and one person I know tend to give me bruises with her method if getting my attention which mean I stay far away from her as possible.
I was quite isolated as a teenager, why? I to this day is still not quite sure, I think I was too different, too weird, too geeky, too unpopular, too difficult and many more.
This have carried onto my adult years and I find when I see people who knew me as a teenager that they tend to treat me the same I have had a lot of stupid comments re my interest in things such as liking music, going to Glastonbury, or my love for food & being a good cook, that I like writing. Most of these stupid comments are assumptions of who I am and I think it is safe to say now that I am in my late 20s that my tastes and hobbies are varied.
I may not like doing sports but it doesn't mean I am useless, I am surprisely good at ice skating even though my dodgy knee like to let me down often, I love doing Pilates and slowly is liking yoga! I think I have struggled with people's concept of me for a long time, I am expected to meet people's assumptions if me and I gladly disappoint them! I recall telling someone I wanted to be a teacher and I received a patronising smile and a look that said 'okay if you think so!' This person then rudely gave someone else next to me advice on courses to be a teacher ignoring me. I think at that point I thought 'fuck this, fuck what people think'.
I really want to teach adults, as I have skills that have been horned over the years, I tend to be good at explaining to people and helping them with the English language. Ki know I don't fit anyone's image of what a teacher should be which make me far more cooler :) I recall my uncle being a punk and turning up everywhere with long shaggy hair, with an earring riding around on a old motorbike, imagine my shock as a kid upon on learning that he was a primary school teacher and now a super head for the Greenwich and Lewisham area for failing schools, he still wear a earring.
My cousin is now following in his footsteps and as a very cool modern vintage kooky person is now undertaking her PCGE and also is learning Irish on the side. She also have a lovely partner called Emily who I have yet to meet. Maybe at a wedding one day!

I think some people find it hard to let go of their view of someone, I strongly recommend.... Let it go! They might just surprise you! I often let my knowledge of someone I met a long time ago and not seen for a long time and embrace what they have to give. If I didn't, I don't think I would have the friends I have nowadays. At times people abuse this opportunity by clinging on to the past. I am a history student and I often have to look into the past and yet I can leave it behind and try to focus on the present and on tomorrow. People might think ism a wee formless idiot as I try to be nice to everyone I meet old or new, they might think 'I don't like you' 'why the hell are you nice? ' or ' we aren't friends go away '
I might look like a wee naive lass but what I am simply doing is wiping the slate clean and giving you an opportunity to be civil or be a lovely person. I have lost count of how I have been taught to overlook someone's first impression and to warmly embrace who they are. Treat people as you want to be treated, no one like to be patronised or being rude to.
Someone said to me that when being truthful with yourself the good and the bad, people might not like it. I don't care really. I am often curious about what people think of me but I don't give a toss what they think (if that make any sense!)

“When you assume, you make an ass out of u and me.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Assumption


Never judge a book by their cover, but read a chapter to see if you like what you see so far go for it ! (I recall people telling me that Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone was very boring after reading a chapter!)

I will be seeing my lovely ladies this weekend which I am very much looking forward to! I am very excited and can't wait to hear the news of whatever!
Fact: I'm wicked good at rollerblading but am very lazy!

A guide for surviving 2013!

My mind have been wandering to the year 2013, the start of a New Year and pondering over what kind of resolutions shall I make.

I am utterly hopeless at keeping resolutions! So I have decided that instead of making a yearlong resolution, I will be writing down a list of resolutions and to see if I can do them monthly. It is sort of a gentle ease into doing something and monthly should a bit more achievable than a year, which everyone forget after 2 weeks!

Most of the resolutions I want to make for myself mainly are to do with my mental health, I really want to improve my outlook on life and finding ways to be positive and to think about other people as I can be self absorbed when I am at a low point.

Positive news in a jar!

I saw this on someone’s Facebook recently and I really liked this and I will be looking for a jar so I can do this!

This is always a good way to record what positive and happy things that has happened to you and it will remind you one year later what you have achieved instead of feeling sorry for yourself or struggling to name a positive thing that has happened to you.

Exercise

I’m not really a gym person and I find it hard to go to gyms as I tend to feel self conscious as also there are moments where I have anxiety attacks and low points where I don’t want to go out. I really want to do Pilates and Yoga again as they both are a form of exercise that help with thinking and self control as well I can do them in flat when I do not have the energy or the motivation to do something.

I will be looking into courses around Wolverhampton also in the university.

I recently read a blog by Rebecca Anne Withey who teaches Mindfulness Meditation- 

http://www.thedancingphoenix.co.uk/blog

I found the blog quite interesting and hope to attend one of her sessions one day. Having a Deaf teacher can be quite beneficial for Deaf people as well those who have mental health issues.

Expand your thinking with new experiences

I am going to try and push myself into trying something new monthly such as a new food experience, or learning a new skill. I hope by the end of 2013 I will have a degree, BSL NQV 3 and will be starting a CTLLS course! (With some other courses too such as First Aid)

Lose other people’s opinions.

Stop worrying about trying to please everyone. As Bill Cosby says, “I don’t know the key to success, but I know the key to failure is trying to please everybody.”

Frankly who cares what you think! I don’t!

 I do appreciate positive feedback and criticism but if it is not positive then I do not care, as it will not help me to learn from my mistakes.

I want to be comfortable and learn to accept myself.

Decluttering

I often aim to TRY to be tidier! At times sleeping in a bombsite can be depressing especially when I can’t find a thing!

Physical health

I really want to be healthier, not thinner! I have already started by stopping having takeaway for myself; I now have them if I am with friends!

I also want to learn a new habit of eating breakfast, as when I was a child, the taxi would come too early and I would miss my breakfast as they would be cross if I wasn’t ready and I would arrive at school far too early! Mum would put in a banana or an apple in my bag to eat on the way to school and complain to the taxi company as well. I didn’t really like cereal much and still don’t! So it can be difficult for me, I cant really eat much breakfast products as they are mainly made from wheat and can give me a tummy aches which isn’t a nice way to start the day!

            So I’m going try to start with fruit and making smoothies as well. I also want to eat better at nights as I tend to over eat and when I am too depressed to make anything I will eat any processed crap. I have started bulk-cooking proper homemade food and am freezing it so when I am unable I can just thaw it out and eat something healthy rather than a TV dinner.

            I want to drink more healthy as well which mean I will be trying to detox and drinking more water and herbal teas rather than relying on coffee for a caffeine boost (which is expensive!).

Appreciation/ gratitude

I have put my life at risk a few times and I want to appreciate the life I have and have gratitude for what I do have- a home, a family, good friends and so on. I want to learn how to show people that I appreciate them by asking after them and saying thanks more often.

I do adore many people and am glad to call them my friends and am happy they haven’t run away screaming when I am in a destructive mood.

Finding a healthy outlet

 When I am down I tend to spend my money on rubbish and try to find something material to amuse myself.

I want to get out of that habit and start on doing things that benefit me more such as writing, reading, doing some work or meeting a friend for a natter. Instead of keeping things inside and letting them build up.

Write a not-to-do-list

This is interesting; this could be anything from no more buying shower gels to not letting myself get stressed out.

Mental health

I am going to try to do things that are positive such as seeing a funny film, reading an enjoyable book, meeting friends who are fun and will offer a healthy way to have fun.

            Try not to let negative things bog me down such as disappointment, failure or broken promises. Try to make them into a positive issue such as more time to finish a book or more time to write and whatever else.

So there you go! My list and hopefully I will be able to do them all!

One thing I found that really helped me in 2012 was to have a weekend away with the lovely ladies and I am looking forward to the next one in January. This gives me something to be excited about and I always enjoy myself!

Enjoy your New Year’s Eve plans and try to face a new day in a positive way! (i.e A hangover from a fabulous Night with friends!)

Fact: In Scotland, New Year is called Hogmanay and drinking whiskey is compulsory (not really but it’s fun!)